


Juicebox Wars

by ShatteredSwallowtail



Category: Bleach
Genre: 11th being 11th, Crack, Gen, how i imagine the entire division is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20547608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShatteredSwallowtail/pseuds/ShatteredSwallowtail
Summary: Another LJ request from long ago. Prompts were 'juice' and '11th division'.





	Juicebox Wars

“Orange.”

“Pineapple”

“Orange!”

“Pineapple!”

“Orange!”

“Pineapple!”

Small elbows rested on the edge of the desk, palms cradling a child’s face with rosy cheeks, small mouth pursed in an expression of deep thought and mild boredom. With a slight sigh, Yachiru watched as the argument dragged on.

“Orange!!”

“Pineapple!!”

Yumichika glared at his “opponent”, eyes narrowing. He certainly wasn’t going to back down, but somehow he didn’t think that Ikkaku was either. Drawing himself up, he raised one eyebrow.

“Pineapples are far superior to oranges, my friend. In every way. Their sweet yet slightly tangy flavour, the tall stout shape, even the majestic tuft of perfect green leaves that crown the top. Obviously, it would lead that pineapple juice is better.”

With a scoff and a roll of his eyes, Ikkaku shook his head, brandishing his own bottle of juice, printed with the styalized image of an orange. Yumichika tended to be a bit thick at times, at least in Ikkaku’s opinion. But that just meant the 3rd seat had to convince him of his obviously-flawed reasoning.

“What, you mean the way those green things stick up like those feathers on your eyebrow? No wonder you like pineapples. Oranges are so much better. They’re so perfectly round and smooth and their sharp and tangy flavour reminds you of summer days and gives you energy you need for fighting. Obviously the better choice.”

This wasn’t going to end well. With a slight sigh, Yachiru frowned, waiting for the chaos to unfold. At least it would be a bit entertaining. That is, if they didn’t wake up Ken-chan. Then it would be really entertaining. A glare, and the slight twitch of a vein in Yumichika’s forehead and the 5th seat was on his feet, leaning over the table to direct said glare at his friend.

“My hair does not resemble the leaves of a pineapple! Besides, you just like oranges because they look like your bald head! Pineapples are better!”

Hands impacted the polished wood of the table as Ikkaku rose to his feet to meet Yumichika, fingers twitching as though they itched to teach the other shinigami what happened when people called him “bald”.

“I am not bald! At least I have normal eyebrows, and don’t look like some sort of freak, Mr. Pineapple-brows! Oranges are better!”

It seemed as though an impasse had been reached, as the two stood there glaring at one another. Yachiru amusedly thought she could practically see the steam coming out of their ears as they reeled back, hands going to the hilt of zanpakutos. Clapping her hands together, the child-vice captain grinned. This would be fun. It was too bad Ken-chan was asleep, maybe he could fight with them too!

With a cocky smirk, Ikkaku wrapped one hand around the hilt of Houzukimaru, waiting for Yumichika’s move. If that feather-headed idiot expected him to back down over something as critical as defending the honour of his beloved orange juice, he had another thing coming. And standing there, Fuji Kujaku at the ready, it didn’t look as though Yumichika was planning to back down either. A moment of silence, each man staring the other down, before the flicker of movement, shunpo blurring forms as they raced at each other.

Only to skid to a stop as the door flew open to reveal the towering form of their captain, a less then thrilled scowl on his face. With a smile and a laugh, Yachiru hopped up and ran over to launch herself at his shoulder and cling to her usual “perch” as the tall shinigami glanced between his subordinates.

“Shut the hell up with your stupid juice argument!”

Dead silence suffused the room as eyes widened. Yachiru beamed, bouncing up and down on Kenpachi’s shoulder.

“Uh-oh, you woke up Ken-chan~ Now you’re gonna be in trou~ble~!”

Yumichika and Ikkaku watched, frozen, as Kenpachi stared them down, fully expecting to find themselves soon in a less-then-happy situation. But after a moment, the 11th squad captain simply turned and headed back into the room, slamming the door behind him. Looking at each other, both men let out an audible sigh of relief. Plopping down, they each returned to sipping their respective drinks. It would seem the peace had been restored.

“Ne Yumichika…orange is still better.”

“No…pineapple is.”

“Orange.”

“Pineapple”

From the confines of his own office, Zaraki Kenpachi groaned, shaking his head. It was pointless of them to argue over something so stupid. After all…he picked up his own drink from the desk, studying the dark purple liquid. Everyone already knew that grape juice was the superior flavour.


End file.
